14 July 2017

Unexpected Perks and Perils

On day one, we were informed that this course has led some trainees to take up smoking. While considering this, and the prospect that it might drive me to drink or distraction, what I didn’t imagine was that it would drive me to online dating. You may not think the two go hand in hand, but they do. I’m here to tell you why.

If you’re thinking of signing up for this course, you will need comfortable shoes. Flats or loafers will not cut it. Think orthopaedic.

As I did, you will make the mistake of underestimating how much time you’ll spend running around London. Three days in, desperate for a foot massage and with no obvious candidates close at hand, I signed up for Badoo (a dating/chatting app). I thought this would be the perfect opportunity to dip my aching toe into the waters of online dating cutting my teeth before moving on to the big leagues: Tinder.

Were I not on this course, receiving devastating critiques of my writing ability on a near hourly basis, my self-confidence would be at a ten-year high. I received no fewer than 921 ‘likes’ in under 48 hours. Please refrain from telling me how many you had in a similar period, as it may well put a dampener on what has been an immensely fortifying experience. However, as with all murky corners of the internet, there were downsides.

Badoo, it transpires, is probably not the best place to source a foot rub. Many of those who responded to my request expected some form of reciprocity, which I admit I should have foreseen. Some had very strange fantasies, the very least of which included being trodden on by stilettos, nibbling the paint from toenails, and committing unspeakable acts between the arches of unwashed feet.

Invite after invite lured me into checking out the many and varied websites dedicated to foot fetishes. Upon the realisation that these people walk among us unseen and unnoticed, I deactivated my accounts, thinking on balance that it was cheaper to purchase a foot spa. The initial outlay may be more, but I've no doubt much more money would otherwise be spent in therapy. 

While the blisters will heal with time, it’s unlikely the scars from my first forays into online dating will be shifted so easily.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Please make your comment short, constructive, friendly and legal (see the English libel laws in particular). Thanks.