It's the last day of the course and I thought I should take this opportunity to tell you about some of my best one-liners from the last nine weeks. So, here goes............
Me to Keith Elliott: "Are you wearing my coat?"
Keith: "NO!" (We do have nearly exactly the same coat.)
Me to Richard Bird: "Are you Australian?"
Richard: "Er....No! My daughter has been to Australia though. Groovy! Now you're entering dodge city! Ooops! That's a bit of a banana skin! Just so's a ya know, it ain't necessarily so. I went to the same DJ school as Tony Blackburn." (Said in a bit of an Australian accent.)
Me to Roberta: " Are you Italian? You have great skin. "
Roberta: "Well........ummmmmm............welllllll...........errrrrr.......ummmmmm.....sortuv..........you know.......sortuv.....you know..........ummmmm........YEAH!" (except she isn't Italian......but she does have great skin!)
Me to Robin: "Are you sure you're not from The Bronx?"
Robin: "No, don't be fooled by the rocks that I've got. I'm still Robin from the block. No, I am noat from New Yoik." (Said in strong Bronx accent.)
Me to Richard Ward: "Why won't it (meaning the outline) go up?" Class sniggers. "Said the prostitute to the vicar!"
Richard Ward: Goes very red. Turns his back to class. Chuckles profusely.
Richard Ward: "Today we are doing the outlines for -ANK, -UNK, -ONK Can you think of any words with these endings?"
I walk into shorthand late after a job interview....
Richard Ward (in his hybrid Kensington/Rotherham accent): "We are just finishing. We knew you were comin'."
Me: "I love you Richard Ward."
Richard Ward: Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Me: "I saw a woman pushing a Bichon Frise dog in a pram on Bermondsey Street today. The last date I went on had taken heroin before meeting me. I think I would like to have a street named after me when I die. It could be called Collier Close. I do a great impression of Richard Bird."
Darshan: "There is something strangely comical about you."
Me in my head: "Wow. A stand-up comedian thinks I'm funny! That feels better than passing the media law exam!....... I wonder what happened to that sausage I saw in the road this morning....."
Darshan in his head: "Jeez. This woman is completely deluded............ Did I switch the gas off when I left home this morning??.........."
Me to Roberta: "When do we need to start doing the work for the app?"
Roberta: "Well, we've all just got to bash one out!" (10.02.14)
Me to Roberta: "How do we approach the people we interview?"
Roberta: "You just need to put them to bed - in the nicest possible way!" (20.01.14)
Roberta flashing ideas around about niche drinks......
Roberta: "You know.....um........I can go into Waitrose/M&S and buy a bottle of wine or whatever........ummmmmmm..........sortuv.....you know..............to swig and drink while I drive." 21.01.14
Me to Roberta: "What do we do if we get sued?"
Roberta: "Shit happens. That's journalism." (27.01.14)
Roberta handing out newspaper cuttings: "It's the one with Russell Grant's bottom half on. Which is quite a gross thought." (28.01.14)
Robbie Cohen God bless you. We Love you! You made this course, and we will never forget you. You are completely hilarious and absolutely brilliant at your job. THANK YOU, FOR EVERYTHING.