03 September 2013

(Almost) goodbye

So this is my last post here! #sadface

However, I'm not thinking about the end as exams are upon us! Beware, all ye who enter here. This is no place for mortals. Thou shalt not pass! #LOTR

Actually, they're not unbearable. Keith will make you terrified with his impossibly hard spelling tests and you will have conversations like: "is it ie or ei?" "ei." "Are you sure?" "Yes, it's ie." "You said ei before!" "Can't we just Google it?" "What do the American's know about spelling?"

But in the end, the real exam is not littered with words like innocuous (or is it inoccuous? or inocuous? or inyochuoupsl? who knows!)

So panic ye not, terrified-looking future PMAers. We know you're scared - we've seen you being shown around with a look of fear and doom on your faces - but don't be. All is not lost. Don't cry. Or wet yourselves (I've never done this, honest).

Now, here I want to add a disclaimer: in some of my previous posts I may have implied that the course was impossible, that shorthand was pointless and that I was toeing the line between despair and self-harm. I would like to clarify that NONE of these things are true - I wrote them in the throes of PMA-brain, a recognised medical condition that will probably affect you too.

Symptoms include: fatigue, confusion, headaches, an obsession with coffee, an inability to function, an irrational anger with a thing called 'Casepost' and a hatred of the coastal town Cleethorpes.

The cure, from my extensive and mostly unsuccessful research, appears to be wine, preferably lots of it that has been paid for by someone else. But respite is merely temporary. However, I intend to carry out more wide-ranging tests this weekend, and unless I die from consumption (the alcohol kind), I might log in and report back next week.

If you hear nothing, presume me dead and send flowers.

P.S. I'd like Non, je ne regrette rien played at my funeral.

P.P.S. Best of luck if you're starting the course soon, but nine weeks is honestly practically nothing in the long run. And you'll make some friends for life.

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